Tantrums and Broken Bread

D gets really upset when some food item he is holding breaks.

And because he tends to grip his food tightly, this happens several times a day. So to combat the meltdowns, I remind D about what we do every Sunday- we partake of broken bread. In our church, this helps us remember Christ's body and his sacrifice for us. D looks forward to taking the sacramental bread every week. He knows that it is special and important, although he doesn't yet understand why. So when I remind him that we eat broken bread every Sunday, it helps him put into perspective that he can still eat his broken food. This doesn't work every time, but I'm always amazed how often it does work. Sometimes I'll even catch D saying "broken bread!" after he accidentally crumbles something in his hand.

There's probably some deep metaphorical analogy I could make about how this applies to us as children of God. But I'll let you, the reader, discover it on your own.

Our Spending Freeze

Inspired by this video, my husband and I decided to do a spending freeze this past week. In case you don't want to watch the video, this means that we didn't spend money with the exception of gas (my husband commutes to work and has to fill up his tank twice a week).

When we first decided to do the freeze, I figured it would be pretty easy because we had enough milk and food to last for a week without grocery shopping. But I was wrong. It was really hard. 

One of the benefits of a spending freeze is that you stop all spontaneous spending. Which means I passed up a lunch date with friends, picking up doughnuts on the way home from a frisbee game, and buying cheap kids books from a door-to-door salesman. Because really, I didn't need any of that. I still had playdays with friends this week that weren't at restaurants, and we still ate food and read books- that we already owned. 

I became more aware of what we actually did need to buy this week, like another lock for our front door (man-cub D figured out how to unlock it and escape). I ran out of deodorant, so I've gotten a little creative. 

Most of all, it was nice not running to to the store 2-3 times this week. We've gotten so bad at keeping a proper grocery list that we will run to the store for just one or two things and it gets to be time-consuming. Also, going to the store with a toddler is not my favorite, so I'm glad I got a week off from that!

Also it was kind of nice putting off some bills that didn't need to be paid right away...because paying bills is stressful. But, we will be paying them right when the spending freeze is over, because debt is also stressful. 

The other point of a spending freeze is that the money you would have spent you put into savings. And since we're saving to buy a home and furnish it, it makes me feel good knowing that while I passed up on some opportunities this week, hopefully it will pay off later.

What's In My Diaper Bag?

Every time my toddler is quietly occupied, I know there are only two explanations: he's pooping and therefore wants privacy OR he's digging through the diaper bag.

"What treasures does the diaper bag hold for a toddler?" you ask. Here's what D looks for in our diaper bag (ranked from most to least important.)

1.  Chocolate (for mom and dad), bribery candy, and snacks. This is the main draw of the diaper bag. D knows that if he is unsupervised long enough, he can unwrap a chocolate, eat it, and throw away the evidence.

2. Money. Quarters, pennies, credit cards, all things that can
be handled by small hands and then thrown around the house.

3. Stickers and other out-and-about toys. These are toys reserved especially for travel, to make them more interesting. Hence the draw to play with them at home. 

4. Bobby pins and lipstick. Admittedly not the coolest things for a toddler to play with, but then again there's the anomaly factor. 

5. The boring stuff. Like diapers, diaper rash ointment, wipes, and a small towel. These are the first to be grabbed and instantly discarded.

So there you have it, our diaper bag essentials. I never think to hide the bag because I like to have it easily accessible when we run out the door. But I may have to start putting it up higher, because it's been ransacked almost every day in the past week. 

If you're looking for a summary of diaper bag essentials from a parent's point of view, check out my What's in My Diaper Bag? post on Baby Bear Outfitters. 

Book Review: Why Have Kids?

This is a controversial book. The basic premise is that many

mothers in the United States are dissatisfied with being parents. Almost every chapter in the book tackles an issue that divides mothers: breastfeeding vs. formula, stay-at-home vs. working moms, acceptable levels of childcare, husband/wife childcare responsibilities, vaccination vs. mother's intuition, traditional vs. gay parents. The author herself warns: "This book will likely make you angry." Indeed, the title alone can provoke strong feelings among parents and non-parents. I almost felt guilty checking out this book out. But in the end it was worth it.

Despite the parts that did make me angry (thanks for the warning, Jessica Valenti), there were many parts that made me relieved. The main takeaway I got from this book is that one reason mothers are dissatisfied is because of unrealistic expectations. They expect motherhood to be amazing and rewarding and fulfilling while being told that it will also be "hard." But "hard" is such a vague term, they don't really know what to specifically expect. They expect that their children will fulfill their emotional needs, when in reality children often cannot even understand what their parent's needs are, let alone have the capacity to fulfill them. Society expects mothers to "do it all"- when in reality it is healthy for both mothers and children to rely on others to help with childcare.

I try so hard to be a good mom. But with that comes constant worrying. Is he getting enough to eat? Is he drinking enough? (Toddlers are stubborn, so I end up negotiating at each meal- and he has five small meals day!) Is he getting enough sleep? Have I read enough to him today? Why is he crying? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Do I not understand his needs? Especially since I am currently staying at home with my son full time, the mental expectations I set for myself become exhausting.

Why are mothers reporting increased dissatisfaction if the role of a mother is supposedly the "most rewarding job"? One of the issues the author tackles is the use of the word "job" for motherhood. If motherhood is a job, it follows that you should have time "off the clock." You should get vacation time. You have someone to answer to (which is who? your spouse? society? your unrealistic inner expectations?) The truth is, motherhood is not like a job in that way. You don't get time off, you don't get a lunch break, you don't get vacation time nearly as much as any other job. So why bother comparing it to a job? I would get so frustrated comparing my "job" at a stay-at-home mom to my husband's job as a professor. He only had to work 8-5. He got weekends off. He even got a lunch break every day! And I think this is the problem with my mentality. Motherhood is more than a job--it's a relationship.  And the more I view it as a job, the less I want to do it.

I don't really have an easy fix for this. I don't have an answer that will be good for everyone. But I do appreciate that Jessica Valenti starting a discussion so that hopefully we can get to the root of the problem and parents can start enjoying being parents again.