I left the room for ONE MINUTE and came back to find...

As parents, there are times when we need to leave our children unattended for a brief period. Maybe we have to use the toilet. Maybe we're throwing away a diaper. Maybe we go grab the phone to answer a call. Whatever the reason, although we have only been gone for a moment, our man cubs manage to get into mischief. I asked some other man-cub mamas to complete the sentence below, with hilarious results.

I had only left the room for ONE MINUTE when I came back to find my child:

1. with vaseline all over his body and the walls
2. hiding the bottle of bacon bits in his pocket
3. standing next to a shattered glass pie pan full of cinnamon rolls
4. using my hairbrush as a toilet brush
5. peeing on the carpet
6. throwing a mountain of freshly folded laundry on the floor
7. discovering how to open the deadbolt and standing in the driveway
8. invisible, but audible. he scooted under the couch and was crying because he couldn't get back out
9. rolled off the couch (at 7 months old) and was playing on the floor
10. had organized all of his matchbox cars in order of horsepower

What Motherhood is All About

Motherhood can mean a lot of different things- some joyful, some frustrating, and some hilarious. There are some moments that I think all mothers have in common. Here are a few of them.

Motherhood is:

Saying, "How did this happen?" ten times a day. Like when you go to put on your shoes and find a puff hiding inside. Or when you find a diaper in the laundry basket and a onesie in the trash.

Sweeping every day (or vacuuming, if your man-cub eats over the carpet).

Watching your kid's eyes light up when daddy comes home.

Missing your baby when you are away from him.

Worrying about what your baby just put in his mouth.

Wishing your baby could stay a baby forever but can't wait for them to grow up and become more independent.

Wondering how they got poop on their blanket when they are wearing footy pajamas.

Wanting them to take an extra long nap but worrying about them when they do.

Loving their smile when you come and get them from their crib when they wake up in the morning.


There are a million moments in each day that describe what motherhood is.
What is motherhood to you?

If Man-Cub D had a LinkedIn Profile

MAN-CUB D

Baby of All Trades

Toddlerville, USA

Current: Child Safety Specialist

Previous: Personal Trainer

Education: Baby State University

mancub-d@babymail.com

  

EDUCATION

Bachelor of Arts in Natural Disasters from Baby State University  (2016-Present)               

Associates Degree in Hiding Important Items from Mama and Dada (2016)

Certificate of Cuteness from Grandma H and Grandma L  (2015)

LANGUAGES

Grunting

Sign language

EXPERIENCE

Freelance Child Safety Specialist, November 2015-Present

Visit homes and help parents identify what parts of their house have not yet been childproofed. Specialties include locating electrical outlets, wires, and appliances.

Personal Trainer for Mama R, March 2015-Present

Prepped Mama R for a post-apocalyptic world by conditioning her to wake several times a night. Trained Mama R to respond quickly and effectively to various cries. Helped boost Mama R’s milk supply through frequent feedings.

Contract Quality Control Supervisor, January 2015-Present

Sampled various sizes and types of diapers to assess their absorbency and fit. Identified numerous manufacturing flaws, specifically in the realm of blowouts.

SKILLS AND ENDORSEMENTS

Screaming                  33

Crawling                     20

Biting                         15

Walking                      11

Climbing                     8

Drooling                      7

Letter and Number Monster

Do you drink a lot of milk (or know someone who does)? Do you like recycling? Do you want a toy that will last longer than a few months? Then this is the project for you! I got the idea from the article "Feed the Alphabet Monster," but tweaked it a little. I've been collecting milk caps for months to create the alphabet letters. Man-cub D is still in the biting stage, though, so I didn't want to put labels on the caps only to have them chewed up. So I just wrote the letters in black sharpie. For the numbers I used Gatorade caps, and they are on the inside because the 'G' symbol on the outside made it hard for the sharpie to stay on.

I redecorated a wipes container by tracing the outline of the wipes label and writing the name on a new piece of paper, which I then attached to the box using a laminating sheet. The font for the name was inspired by KG Wake Me Up. 

The great thing about this toy is that it can last from 9 months - 4 years! A baby can chew on the caps, a toddler can learn to drop them into the slot, and a pre-schooler can use them to practice spelling! I'm only to letter 'N' right now, but I should have the full alphabet by the end of the year.

1yr Old Man-Cub Rules for Eating

I'm slowly learning that my man-cub has a specific set of rules when it comes to eating. Here are a few of my man-cub's rules:

1. Feed me before feeding yourself.
2. What you're eating will always taste better than what I'm eating. Even if we're eating the same thing.
3. Everything must go into my mouth so I can assess whether it is food or not. For the record, tissues and paper are not food. But they are amazing imposters! They get me every time...
4. Eating things one at a time is for wimps. Shove four pieces in your mouth at a time and try not to choke.
5. All food must be room temperature or slightly warmer. Frozen food is not acceptable. 
6. If I don't like it, I'll spit it out.
7. If I'm full, I'll spit it out. Then I will play with it.
8. If you have food in your mouth and in each hand but none on the table, your parents are trying to starve you.
9. It's important to drop food on the floor so you can eat it later. It's like food storage.
10. Eating too much of the same thing is not only unhealthy, it's boring. Let your parents know this by only taking a few bites of each type of food they provide.
11. Screaming is the best way to communicate hunger.

What Happened When I Went Off Social Media for One Week

It all started when my phone only had 8 percent battery left.

"My phone loses charge so fast!" I complained to my husband as I plugged it in the wall for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"You're addicted." He said.

"I am NOT addicted." I fired back defensively.

I was angry because my cord was too short that I would have to sit on the floor to use it as it charged and I didn't want to do that so I had to wait for it to charge enough to keep using it that night. I had already spent hours on Facebook, Pinterest, and my new obsession, Instagram. Part of me knew I had a problem but the other part didn't want to quit for anything.

I had a list of excuses. I needed Pinterest to find new recipes. Facebook keeps me connected to my friends and family. I look on Instagram for inspiration for crafts. But that's all that they were. Excuses.

The reality was that social media was doing me more harm than good. I would compare my life, my body, my husband, my child to those I saw and read about on different social media platforms. I was really unhealthy and it was bringing me down daily.

Social media wasn't helping me to become the woman I wanted to become. It was hindering it. Something had to change. So this is it. My week without social media.

Here's what happened:

1. I was more productive.

Ok, WAY more productive. I was more tempted to go on social media when I wasn't doing anything, so I kept myself busy with projects. I organized our closet, sewed some fabric flowers, and kept the home clean.

2. I was more attentive to man-cub J.

I had a bad habit of being on my phone for the first hour that man-cub J was awake. My excuse what that I wasn't a morning person and it helped me ease in to the day. When I wasn't distracted on my phone, I was able to pay attention to him more and find joy in watching him play and learn.

3. I loved my life more.

Not because it was better than someone else's life, but because it was mine and it was perfectly unperfect. I didn't try to be like anyone else or look like anyone else. I felt comfortable just being myself.

4. My priorities were more straight.

Instead of wasting time constantly scrolling online, I found better things to take up my time. I did things that made me happy such as crafting and reading. At the end of the day, I felt confident that I had used my time well and had accomplished more of what I wanted to.

I'm going to keep it real by saying that the first day off of social media was really easy and I was very happy about it, but the second day was terrible. The baby woke up especially early and I was just grumpy the whole day. I wanted to waste time doing something mindless online, but I pushed through. I pushed through the rest of the days too. But, by the end of the week I felt good about the week I had and the things that I had accomplished.

Am I going to quit social media completely? No. I'm not. But I will limit my time way more so that I am not wasting my days away. Overall it was a positive experience that I will probably repeat every so often. I think that it's healthy to disconnect for a little while to get life back into order. I'm glad that I had this experience so that I can know how much more full my life can be when I use my time better.